xanthan gum

this was very cute and touching. i loved the feeling, because it certainly conveys what each and every teenage girl feels at the bitter disappointment. very cold and sort of....just ...

alright, i think you need to tie all these beautiful but slightly incoherent images together more. i had to read it a couple of time to get it, but then ...

i loved the vocabulary, but the ending did not match the beauitful imagery of the poem. allow me to be informal and say that it demanded a bit more "ZAP" ...

this was beautiful. i loved your imagery and word-choice, but i must voice a singular critique - your line breaks sometimes confuse me, make me unsure of the start and ...

this was flowly and sort of musical sounding, but i didn't favor the repitition of "tonight" as the last word in the first two stanzas. it was too redundant and, ...

this was cute and held meaning, rhythm and rhyme properly. it even conveyed image. i must say, though... a hand reached out, with not hate, but love after all the ...

yeah, ok, this needs flesh for me to bite into. right now it's a very short, sweet cracker that is more like a poetic statement with line breaks than a ...

your repitition of "staring blindly at the sky/in the eye" didn't really work for the dramatizing affect i'm sure you were going for - it wound up being blantantly obvious. ...

i really liked: Swim blade, swim Barbed-wire chokehold on your breath Dryad of pain THE only thing i didn't like: Mountains of either side preventing the intrusion of health that ...

wow. beautiful imagery. the wince on her face, though - that sent shivers down my back. i don't know why. the quote was wonderful, true to life... a lot of ...

this entire poem, even when not discussing universal things, had a very atomic/not ethereal...but "space-y" feel about it. and i believe that using "bleeded" instead of "bled" is great =] ...

ok, i noticed that first stanza was acrostic after a couple of times (and after reading the comments :oops: ) but i doubt that the fact one stanza is acrostic ...

first of all, you just need to...dramatize this down a bit. or switch around persons and points of views, because it sounds like your writing, mainly to yourself, late at ...

i didn't mind the format, i agree with timjim77. otherwise, this was really good and very true to the topic. it actually sort of moved me. just one thing: but ...

though the rhythm and rhyme all worked out, it was not something that internally struck me. i understand the view, which was actually sort of interesting, but the poetic language ...